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In Category: Weddings

January 2, 2012 Tips for a great engagement session

The Christmas Holiday season is a popular time for couples to get engaged and soon after the engagement, plans immediately turn to wedding planning.  Somewhere in your planning, you will hopefully meet with a professional photographer and start planning your photography sessions.  I say sessions because in addition to the engagement session, you may also want a bridal session or even a day after session for even more memories.  The engagement session is usually the first photo session that is done because most couples use the images from the session for the Save the Date card or some other engagement announcement.

The engagement photo session provides a great opportunity to get to know your photographer and become comfortable with their style of shooting and it can also be used as a “personality test” so you can see how the wedding photographer will interact with you as a couple to make sure your day is captured the way you want.  As you prepare for the engagement session her are a few things to keep in mind:

Make it personal

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I know, you’re thinking, “it’s my session so it is personal”. Well, by personal, I mean make sure your personality reflects in the photo session.  It’s OK to look through wedding magazines and photo galleries and get posing ideas, but, you don’t want your photo session to be “cookie cutter” and look like everyone else’s.  Whether the photo is being used for Save the Date cards or to be placed at the entrance of the reception venue, you want to make sure that when people see the image, your personality is reflected and not someone else’s.  For example, if you don’t dress up often, then don’t make the guy wear a shirt and tie to the session.  You also don’t have to “dress alike” (unless that is what you always do).  Jeans and a nice shirt are always a good choice, but depending on the length of the session, you may want to bring a change of clothes for a different look.  Comfortable shoes or good walking shoes that you can change into are good as well.  I spoke to Michaelle Janet of Trésor Photography as well and she suggested that you can take the engagement session as time to kick it up a notch, treat yourself to new clothes, hair and makeup…. think of it as a date when they were first starting to impress on each other.

Find your spot

When you choose a location (and most engagement sessions are shot on location rather than in studio), make sure that it is a spot that you like.  Your favorite park, the place he proposed, the place you first met, these are all good starting points for a good photo session.  Your wedding photographer can recommend some good places based on their experience, but your choices always work best.

Make it a date

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The best photos are the ones that are not posed but rather show the natural chemistry and personalities of the couple.  As it was stated before, look at the photo session as a “date”.  Talk to each other, tell jokes, share, have fun doing something you enjoy and let the photographer capture those intimate moments.  Of course, we will do some posed shots and suggest poses if you don’t have any in mind already.

Look your best

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While you want to look natural, you also want to look your best.  Ladies, make sure your makeup is good and if you want to bring someone for touch ups (in case you don’t want to do it yourself) feel free.  Have a nice hairstyle that will put up with the weather depending on when the photo shoot is.  Guys, make sure that your hair cut is fresh as well.  Poses and posture are important as well so the photographer may remind you of those during the shoot.  Kris Fulk Photography owner Kris Fulk also recommends that while most photographers are familiar with and work often in Adobe Photoshop, you should not use Photoshop as a crutch.  Often, couples think the photographer can fix anything in Photoshop when that is not always the case.

Have fun at the Interview

Take the engagement session as a time to “interview” the photographer.  See if your personalities work well together because this is, in most cases, the person that is also capturing one of the most important days in your life so you want to make sure you work well together.  Above all, have fun!

Posted In: People, Portraits, Weddings.
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October 13, 2011 So I was a Father of the Bride

If you’ve read any of my recent posts, you would know that I had been preparing for the marriage of my little girl, my first sweetheart, my little one, you get the picture.  Often as a wedding photographer, I get to experience the joy and happiness of the wedding day from a third party perspective, but to be actually involved was a different role for me.  As a father, you always want the best for your daughter and you hope and pray that the man she chooses to marry is “good enough”.  Well, she used to bring quite a few knuckleheads around, none of which I liked (hey, I’m a dad, I’m not SUPPOSED to like them because no one is good enough for my little girl) and I had resigned myself to the fact that I would be the father-in-law to a knucklehead.  Well, she comes over one day and this HUGE guy is standing behind her.  “You hired a body guard?”, I wondered, but she introduced him as “her friend”.  Yeah, OK “friend” (I was born at night, but not last night).  He gives me eye contact and a firm hand shake (which means a WHOLE lot to a father) and introduces himself.  She met him in class at TSU where he was on the football team (hence his size) and I liked Fred from the beginning, but I didn’t tell her that, but once she told me they were getting married, I knew I had to do what I could to help keep them on the right track (and not make the same mistakes that I have).

As they planned the wedding, yes there were ups and downs – and if you are planning your wedding, there WILL be ups and downs.  We were excited one day and then there were days when I wanted to tell them to just go to the courthouse!  But when the day came, it was all worth it.  They had an amazing wedding planner Mai Dang of Honeydew Events and Mai did an incredible job helping her during the planning process, the rehearsal night and the wedding day.  The ceremony was held at The Foundry UMC in Northwest Houston on Jones Rd (a perfect place for a ceremony) and the reception was held at the Enchanted Cypress Ballroom which is also in Northwest Houston and was beautifully decorated.  I’ll attempt to tell the rest of the story in pictures and while telling the story, I have to thank my incredible friend and awesome photographer, Monique Montoya of Perspectives Photography for helping me with the photos that day some of the shots are mine, but the really nice ones are hers :

The Foundry UMC

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Flowers for the day:

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Her beautiful wedding dress

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Yes, I was nervous, but no one noticed because they were all looking at her

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Another good friend, Pastor Vernon Hubbard, performed the ceremony and here he does a cord ceremony

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After the ceremony and formals, they headed over to Enchanted Cypress and the video crew was setting up some shots and I caught a few while I waited

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hanging out upstairs at Enchanted Cypress

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first dance

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Did I mention what an amazing job Monique Montoya did?

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September 22, 2011 Bridal Sessions revisted

Anytime in Houston is always a good time to start thinking about getting with your wedding photographer and getting your Bridal session done (really, almost anytime in Houston is a good time!).  As you prepare for your session, here are a few things to remember:

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Poses and Positions

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Your photographer may have some ideas about poses or positions, but this is your session and it’s best if it shows ‘the real you”.  check out some of the Bridal or Wedding magazines for ideas on poses and go with what you like.  You don’t want a pose that doesn’t flatter you or one that when people see it, they don’t recognize you.  Above all, be yourself and allow your personality to show in the photos – if you are the conservative type, then you would probably not be comfortable with some of the “America’s Next Top Model” type poses, but, if you are the carefree type, traditional poses might be too boring.  It’s always best to get with your wedding photographer beforehand and discuss what you are looking for in the final portrait.

Location, Location, Location….

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Houston and the surrounding Metro area offer some great locations for shooting Bridal sessions.  Hermann Park, Mecom Fountain, Rice University, The Downtown Theatre District, Historic Richmond Rosenberg, Helen’s Garden in League City, and Oyster Creek Park in Sugar Land are just a few places that come to mind that are popular spots for shooting.  some brides are even allowed to use the location where their wedding or reception will be held and those can be some very scenic locations as well.  The Bridal should also be personal so think about a place that may have meaning for you – a neighborhood park or clubhouse, your college campus, etc. – any place that holds a special meaning to you.  Also, while you are preparing for your Bridal session, be prepared for a “Plan B”.  Sometimes, especially in Houston and the Gulf Coast, weather can change quickly.  It can be sunny in the morning and rainy by the afternoon.  During the winter months, it can be warm one day and cold by the afternoon.  If you are planning on an outdoor bridal session, see if the photographer has an indoor location for use as a backup.  Some Hotels, Model Homes, even the venue where your reception will be held.

Hair and makeup

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The Bridal session is also a good time to ‘practice” with your hair stylist and make up artist that you will use on your wedding day.  You can try out the hairstyle you want and get an idea of how it will look as well as your makeup for that day.  When it comes to makeup, sometimes, less is more; if you are not a heavy makeup wearer, then it shouldn’t show in the Bridal session, because it won’t look natural.

Time of the Shoot

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The best time to shoot is usually early morning or late afternoon for at least two reasons:  lighting and temperature.  During the early morning, the sunlight is not as harsh and gives a more pleasing look to your skin over hard, midday light.  Late afternoon also gives a warmer “glow” to the skin and is not as hard.  Both times are also good because it is not as hot and you won’t “glisten” (see sweat) as much and will be more comfortable during the shoot.  It’s also a good idea to have some bottled water or maybe eat light before the shoot.  Depending on the wedding photographer, most sessions last at least an hour and some last three to four hours depending on the number of locations and the style of the photographer.  another issue with time is how much time before the wedding the Bridal session should be done.  The session should be done at least 45-60 days before the wedding at the latest, but there are times when a session can be done two to three weeks before the wedding.  Have at least two or three dates in mind for your session, just in case something happens (weather, emergency, etc.). 

Company during the shoot

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One of the recommendations I give some brides is to bring a friend or two or family member along to the session.  This sometimes allows the bride to be more relaxed as well as making the shoot more fun.  They can assist the bride with her dress, help retouch her hair or makeup, give her water as needed, etc.  some photographers have their own assistants for this type of work, so check with your photographer first to make sure.  
Proofing usually takes a few weeks and the photographer will contact you to allow you to view the proofs so you can make your choice of print.  for example, I store my images online and offer my brides a private, password protected gallery so they can view their images and make their choices.  Above all, have a good time, this is one of those once in a lifetime events and you want it to be something you can look back on as something you enjoyed.

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August 28, 2011 Until Death do us part…

…for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, for better or worse, until death do you part…

We remember the words in the vows, but honestly, that day is filled with so much emotion and happiness, that we barely remember the vows, let alone the “death” part. No matter what your age, it is a topic that you and your spouse need to discuss and prepare for. This may not be a happy blog post, but it is a topic that needs to be discussed.

I had the pleasure of meeting a very wonderful woman, Kim Richardson who has founded an organization called “Widows of Opportunity” and she has a blog by the same name that gives support and advice to those that have lost a spouse so I asked her a few questions. 

You can contact Kim on her website Widows of Opportunity or on her Facebook page as well.

(her answers are in bold and underlined):

Thanks for taking the time to answer these questions for me. I hope I don’t get too intrusive or invoke too many emotions and I’d like you to be as honest as possible as I have no idea how you feel or cannot imagine what you have been through….

When I think of a widow, my grandmother comes to mind – you know, the older, settled, “at the end of the journey” type but you are rather young so was your husband sick or did he die in an accident?

My husband died in a car accident.

First thing to keep in mind – life is too short to sweat the small stuff. Whatever it is that your mate is doing that “bugs” you won’t seem as bad when the person is not around.

How prepared were you for his death? Had you two discussed anything like this?

I was not prepared at all for his death. We never discussed death.

I know death is not a popular topic, but it needs to be discussed. Talk about what will happen and discuss your expectations and fears.

What about things like insurance or wills? Did you have those prepared?

The insurance was prepared but there was no will.

Make sure there is a will for both of you! There are too many stories about families “fighting” over what they thought the person wanted done. I would also suggest a living will with instructions on what to do if you are in ICU on life support. Know where the insurance policies are and make sure the coverage is enough for the other person to live on after you are gone.

Did you have children? How do they feel about not having their father and how do you explain it to them?

We have a 14 year old son. My son is suffering and has been since his father passed away. He is in counseling but it is not working for him the way I thought it would. He is upset with his father for passing away. I told my son he is lucky to have experienced being loved by his father. There are so many young boys/men that will never and have never experienced that feeling. My husband was a wonderful father!

Remember that you may not be the only one hurting and missing your mate.

How did your friends and family respond to you?

They responded with loving arms. I backed away and stayed to myself. I regret doing that now.

How do they respond to you now?

I’ve changed a lot and now they respond to me the same. They always loved me and had my back.

How do you wish they would respond to you?

They responded the way good friends and family are suppose to respond. I couldn’t wish for a better family or friends.

If you are on the other side and need to be there to support someone, no matter how hard they push you away, don’t leave, because they need you.

Although you may never “get over” your spouse, how long did it take you to get to the point that you could “move on”? Or have you?

It took me close to 7 years to move on. It was a rough 7 years because I refuse to accept the death of my husband. Today, I can say I am much better and I have moved on. He wouldn’t want me to waste another 7 years mourning and being sad.

If you had a “choice” would you have preferred to lose him to divorce? Why or why not?

NO! I think divorce is worse than death. When you divorce someone there is a chance you might see them again. You might see them at the store, church, when you drop the kids off, etc. I would hate to see my ex husband with another woman. I did not believe in divorce and neither did my husband at that time. I could not see my ex husband with another woman.

How do you deal with the loneliness?

In the beginning, I would date. Now, I don’t have time to feel lonely. I use my idle time wisely. I’ve started an organization and all of my time goes towards making this organization successful.

The best way to help yourself is by sometimes helping others. Reach out to someone that may be going through what you are.

Do you have friends/family that try and make you “move on”? How do you respond to them?

My family and friends were and still are patient. I’ve met people in the past that tried to make me “move on,” Let’s just say they are no longer in my life.

Do you think you’ll date or marry again?

I’ve dated and because I wasn’t mentally ready, the relationship did not work. I want to get married again. I can say I am now ready for marriage.

What other advice would you pass on to someone that may end up in your situation?

Keep God in your life, get counseling, and do not push your family and friends out of your life.

This may be a similar question, but if you knew then what you know now, what would you have done differently?

I would have had more patience and understanding. I wanted things my way and I didn’t care about his feelings at times. I was young and selfish at that time. I would have communicated more, compromised and would have been considerate of his feelings.

I would like to add that I loved my husband! He was an amazing man and he loved me. I always felt safe and secure around him. Our marriage had its ups and downs but for the most part we loved each other. He was very young when he passed away. He worked hard and he took good care of his family. He made sure we had what we needed and wanted. I am blessed that I was able to experience love.

You’ve heard the saying, “tomorrow is not promised”. Now that you have read this, think for a minute about something you appreciate about your mate and go and let them know.

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August 25, 2011 More than leaving the toilet seat up

As you are planning your wedding, I know things are so exciting for you right now.  Everything is wonderful, she can do no wrong, he is perfect in every way, etc.  Sure, there are a few things that “bother” you, but you’re so in love that it doesn’t matter.  In fact, that little quirk makes him look cute.  But let’s be honest and look down the road 20 years and ask yourself, “Can I really put up with this every day for the next 20 years?”  You see, everyone has a quirk, habit, or trait that bothers someone else – chewing with your mouth open, leaving the toilet seat up, not putting the toothpaste cap back on the toothpaste, and on and on.  Right now it’s no big deal because the other person goes home at the end of the night and you have time to recover.  But, when you are LIVING with this person 24/7, these little quirks can really start to eat at you.

Can you already fill in the blank:  When my mate does ____________________________ it really gets on my nerves!

In his book “Love Busters”  Willard Harley Jr. talks about steps to avoid driving your mate away with habits or behaviors that you may or may not be aware are bothering the other person.  He says that one of the things we often do is NOT say anything because we don’t want to feel like we are changing the other person.  But if something that your mate does bothers you, then you need to make it known because if you don’t, it will still bother you, but only bother you inwardly and that will eventually show itself in the way you treat your mate.  It can become a source of conflict because the person being annoyed is thinking, “if you loved me, you would change”, while the person with the quirk is thinking, “if you loved me, you would accept me as I am”.

One of the keys to working through this is to “walk a mile in the other person’s shoes”.  Whether you are the one being annoyed, or the one that is annoying, you need to put yourself in the other person’s shoes and see what they are seeing.  When it comes to the habit or behavior that bothers you, Ask the person a few questions (these are from Dr. Harley’s book as well):

  1. When did you begin to engage in the behavior?
  2. When you engage in the behavior, how do you feel?
  3. When you engage in the behavior, how does your mate feel?
  4. If you have ever tried to avoid this behavior, how did you do it?
  5. Are you willing to avoid this behavior?
  6. Do you (or your mate) have any suggestions that would make the elimination of this behavior more likely?

Everyone can change, but the person has to want to change and there must be a reason for the change.  Love for your mate is a good start to change, but the reasons for change have t be valid in order for the change to stick.  If your mate changes a behavior just to keep you from nagging, chance are that the change won’t last long.  Remember also to not try to make someone change when change is not necessary.  Make sure the change you are asking the person to make is something worth changing.  Also, don’t forget to remind your mate and yourself that they are loved because often when we ask someone to change, they may see it as rejection.  Keep in mind that the effects of your offensive habits are usually not understood until you see your spouse becoming hardened, resentful, or threatening divorce, so make sure that you communicate well before and after the wedding so that you both understand what bothers you about your mate and what they can or cannot change.

Posted In: Relationships, Weddings.
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August 3, 2011 Demetrius and Tara get married! – Houston Wedding Photographer, Photographics

I’m not sure how many times I can say I love my job as a Houston wedding photographer, but I love my job!  I met Tara through one of my former clients and was honored to be a part of their special day.  They got married at First Methodist Church in Downtown Houston and that brought back memories for me because I remember watching Dr. Charles Allen on the Television broadcast with my grandmother when I was younger.  The sanctuary made this intimate ceremony even more beautiful!  The reception was held at the Crowne Plaza Hotel on Highway 290 and family and friends had a blast!

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The grooms’ cakes are starting to get cool!

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I wonder what Sorority the Bride is in???

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The Bride and her beautiful sisters

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August 2, 2011 Helpful wedding planning tips

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As a wedding photographer who has done wedding photography for over 15 years, allow me to offer some tips to assist you in planning your wedding.  I posted this a few years ago, but wanted to update it.

Do I really need a budget? Yes! You don’t want to overspend (especially in this economy) so plan carefully what you really want and need for this special day.  Before signing contracts, look at the costs of everything and get good estimates.

Are there decorations that photograph the best? Just anything with thought put into it.  When choosing colors, make sure that they blend well together.  Even if they are the bride and groom’s favorite colors, some color combinations just don’t mix and you will regret it later.  Especially when you see the pictures!

Are there flowers that photograph well? Anything that stays alive! It depends on the season, too. I highly recommend a good hearty rose. In the summer, hydrangeas wilt quite easily. Tulips never make it very well, etc. Boutonnières are the big thing. Roses hold up quite well as long as the florist doesn’t use huge rose heads- those break off the steam too easily. Delicate & dainty flowers will just get mashed up through all of the hugging. If you must go a delicate flower route, have a second boutonniere made up just in case.

Should I get a DJ or just use an IPod? definitely a DJ, but it should be tailored to your event. If your family is the dancing type- DJ. If they are low key and just want to talk-IPod.  When hiring a DJ, make sure your personalities fit.  You don’t want someone with the ability to clear the dance floor if your wedding guests really like to party!  I have more to post about this later – stay tuned.

Do I need a wedding planner? Yes!  I’d hire a coordinator if it’s in your budget, She/he should be able to keep the flow of the day pretty smooth and iron out kinks.  There is so much going on that day that trying to take care of it yourself can be a pain or even worse, trying to depend on a family member who would rather party than work.  the planner will also help you DURING the wedding planning process which is more stressful sometimes than the actual wedding day so even if it is not in your budget, put it in!

Anything I should avoid? Don’t do too much yourself & don’t try to DIY everything- especially flowers!

If I’m getting married in the late afternoon, is it ok if we meet up before the wedding to take pictures so that we have more time in the day together? or is it bad luck? I don’t think this is bad luck and I highly recommend it to my clients. It helps make the day easier by removing some of the “jitters” and allows for some very special time for the couple before the wedding

How do I avoid a bad wedding? Make sure the planning is done well and there is a good flow to the events. Keep the whole thing fun and don’t stress out. Stressing out about stupid little things will keep YOU from enjoying yourself. Make decisions on the way YOU want things to be and don’t look to everyone for their opinion; because they will have it and you may not like it!

What makes a good wedding? Happy people who are happy to celebrate a happy event!

What makes a great wedding? See above!

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July 26, 2011 We REALLY need to talk!

If this is the first post on my blog that you have read, yes, I am a Houston wedding photographer and you have come to the right place. I have beautiful wedding photography from weddings that I have photographed that you can see in other blog posts. I also am saddened by the number of marriages that I have seen that don’t work out including some of the weddings that I have had the honor of being the wedding photographer for. With that said, I posted on my Facebook Fan page and asked a question -

Think back to when you got married and offer some advice to couples that are getting married now. What would you tell them that you wish someone had told you?

As you can see below, the answers all had a common theme – Communication! I cannot stress enough how important it is for couples to talk. I know what you’re saying, “But we do talk”, and while you may discuss some things (the wedding, the colors of the wedding, the food at the reception, etc.), you have to work on real, deep, meaningful, intimate communication and that means not only talking, but listening without judging.

If you have dated any length of time, you’ve had a fight or two. Conflict is not the end of a relationship but should be the beginning of making the relationship stronger. Just because you disagree, it doesn’t mean he hates you, it just means you disagree. Read below some of the responses form my fans:

#1 – Hear each other out….and always talk about it.

#2 – Never try to talk out a problem when anger has your emotions; Keep God as the center of your marriage…not friends and family; Try to pay for your wedding and honeymoon in cash so you two won’t start off your marriage in wedding debt; Keep in the back of your head 1 Corinthians 13:4-8:

4 Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud 5 or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. 6 It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. 7 Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. 8 Prophecy and speaking in unknown languages[a] and special knowledge will become useless. But love will last forever!

#3 – Always keep arguments inside the house. Don’t go around telling everybody your business. Always support them in whatever they do. Don’t yell when arguing and keep the fight fair. (I had a big problem with that one!)

#4 – Make sure that you’re together as a person before being a husband or wife. Make sure you’re happy with yourself and not depending on the other person to make you happy. Having a relationship with God is very important, that way when challenges arise in your marriage you’ll go to Him first and not your family and friends. Lastly, love and respect yourself that way you’re leading by example on how your mate is to love and respect you.

#5 – COMMUNICATION IS EVERYTHING!!! Never go to bed angry at each other. Keep your marriage to yourselves. The whole world does not need to know every little detail. Do not give up yourself because you get married. Always keep your “me” time. LISTEN to each other and really hear what they are saying. Never blow them off because you don’t want to hear it. NEVER put someone before your spouse, either

#6 – No matter what else you have together, without trust, none of those things will matter, so always keep it real. Communication is extremely important but it doesn’t always have to be right then & there…have patience for the right time…&… don’t take yourselves too seriously…keep a sense of humor, make each other laugh, like best friends do… have fun together icon smile We REALLY need to talk! ). Oh & Nathan…we all know that men & women don’t see things the same way, nor do we communicate in the same way…but with patience & determination…it can be worked out icon razz We REALLY need to talk!

#7 – I wish someone had truly explained the term “People change”. Yes! As we grow/mature, we are suppose to change, but the changes are not always positive. The funny thing is, I mean ME! There are some things about me that I thought would never change and I’m realizing that they have. For example, I love children and they are my passion, HOWEVER, I don’t want any living with me nor do I wish to raise anymore after my son goes off to college in 2 yrs. My husband, on the other hand, has two children, prior to our marriage, that he wishes to move in with us. Need I say more…..lol…I’ve been mothering for almost 30 yrs. and ready to hang up the apron and live MY life for once. So, are you/will you be a step-parent? MAP IT OUT A-Z and don’t skip anything. It’s the little things you don’t think about that become major problems/divisions in a marriage later on in life.

These responses are from people that have been where you are going, so please listen carefully to what they say and bring success to your marriage so that as you look back on those beautiful wedding pictures, you do so with joy and not regret.

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June 20, 2011 Patrick and Chelsea get married!

As a Houston wedding photographer, I always get excited on a couple’s wedding day.  To see the anxious bride, the nervous groom (no matter how cool he looks), the beautifully decorated venue, the wedding flowers, the music, it’s all so wonderful.  This was a great couple that I enjoyed working with – Patrick and Chelsea.  I’ll post some shots from their engagement photo session after this – it was a “Love and Basketball” theme and it was great!

The couple held their ceremony at the Pavilion on Gessner in the Spring Branch area and the mother of the bride did an awesome job decorating the venue (it’s always great to have an experienced wedding vendor in the family).  The wedding table linens, the centerpieces, the favors, all of it was well put together.

The couple exchanged vows (and yes there were tears) and after the ceremony, it was party time!  Oh, did I mention that they both were basketball players and both fans of the Dallas Mavericks (who did win so don’t hate)

Pavilion on Gessner as decorated by the mother of the bride

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The Groom and his men:

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I am really starting to love the sand ceremony!

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and THIS was just classic!!

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NOW you may kiss the bride!

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yes this was the formal bridal party…

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some of the family couldn’t make it so they watched it via Skype…gotta love technology!!

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and this was BEFORE they won the championship!!

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May 19, 2011 What does love really have to do with it?

I have to start off every post with this – just in case someone does a Google search for a Houston wedding photographer and comes across my post, let me say that I am indeed a Houston wedding photographer, but over the years that I have have the honor of shooting weddings, I have been saddened to see so many of the couples that have the joy, elation, excitement, bliss, etc. on their wedding day be shattered months or years later because they didn’t start their marriage on the proper foundation.  With that in mind, I sometimes posts on relationship topics to help couples prepare for the road ahead because, as they used to say in the cartoon PSA’s that I watched as a kid, “knowing is half the battle”.

So let’s talk a little about love.  The couples I meet with seem SO happy during the wedding planning process, the smiles on their faces and the looks in their eyes when I am shooting their engagement session or the joy the bride shares when I am shooting her bridal photo tell me that love is in the air, but getting it to last beyond the wedding is key.

While I am looking at this from a Christian perspective, it applies across the board regardless of your belief.  I will deal with three different words that are often translated “love” and what they mean and how it affects your relationship.  What do people want in a marriage?  A friend, a lover, a companion, a protector, a supporter, an encourager, or all of the above?  By looking closely at the types of love displayed in relationships, you can determine which of these you will find and keep in your marriage.

Agape – This is a sacrificial love, one that seeks what is best for the other person over yourself.  Understand, agape does not require you to become a doormat because there are boundaries in every relationship, but Agape is ‘choosing to love” and not expecting anything in return.  This is difficult in most relationships because we often feel used or mistreated when our love is not acknowledged, but Agape chooses to continue to love anyway.  We Christians believe that it is the love Christ had for us when He gave his life on our behalf.  so in a marriage, you have to carefully consider how much you are willing to sacrifice for the other person’s well being.  Ask yourself, “What am I willing to give up for my spouse?”

Eros – This is the emotional and often physical side of the relationship.  during the dating and engagement phase of the relationship, there is rarely a problem with this type of love.  Eros is the love at first site.  Eros is the romance, Hallmark cards, candlelight dinners, 40 text messages a day, “I can’t wait to see you again”,  hand holding, passion, etc.  that makes the relationship exciting and keeps you coming back for more.  Gary Chapman in his book “Things I Wish I’d Known Before We Got Married”, says that this type of love often lasts less than two years and while it can cycle back and forth in the relationship, this is usually the cause of many breakups and affairs because couples don’t “feel in love” anymore and it’s because they base everything on Eros.

Phileo – This is the love of friendship and acceptance.  As a couple, what do you have in common?  what do you like to do together?  While you don’t have to be identical twins, it helps to share something in common to have a starting point.  As time progresses, you learn more about the other person and their likes and dislikes and learn more about yourself as well.  Phileo love is the love that shares the heart with confidence.  Confidence in the fact that the person will still be accepted no matter what.  Phileo allows you to communicate openly and share your deepest thoughts, desires, fears, etc.  The best thing to have in a marriage is to have your spouse as your best friend!

There are other words that are translated love that would make this post longer than I would like, so I will share them later and also share more about these three, but I would ask that you closely examine where you are currently in your relationship and where these three types of love are in your relationship as well so that you can not only build a strong foundation for your marriage, but maintain a healthy and affair-proof marriage as well.

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